Youth
by Koduka
Summary: It was once said that one of the greatest crimes amongst man was boredom. The second, being boring. I was guilty of both. But the funny thing about life is that it is equally cruel and fair. I wished for a better life so it entertained me a little. It killed me. SI/OC, In progress, Slow burn everything, pairings undecided. Sporadic updates.
1. Zero

_**-Zero-**_

 _ **Whoever said that life is a miracle, obviously hadn't died before.**_

* * *

I didn't live a great life. I admit, it most definitely wasn't one of the ones you'd see on movie screens. It didn't have any unexpected twists or turns, nor did it have any deep moral lessons that led me down a path of righteousness. I lived in a home where daddy was too much of a pushover and mummy was always looking for a new daddy. I almost didn't think she'd find someone until one day she did. I expected as much though, daddy was starting to get heavy handed after a few drinks and that was where she drew the line.

" _Don't you dare lay a hand on me you oaf!"_

" _But darling, I said I was sorry, you were just being so-" He stopped, his face turning sour but unable to continue._

" _So, what?!" Her face was as red as her hair, and her words burned through him. "You've always been a coward!"_

"… _Please don't say that."_

" _Even after everything you still speak like a fucking idiot." She rubs away at her forehead, a headache she'd had for years now._

" _You don't mean that, love-"_

" _I really do. I thought you were different."_

" _Honey, I can change, please-" She stops listening to him, instead turning to me, sat on the couch that acted as a barrier between them. It was all that stopped my father from grovelling and my mother from clawing his throat out._

" _Goodbye darling, I'll come back for you." She had promised me, kissing my forehead with a shaky breath and a remorseful look in her eyes. With a final pat on the head and my father chasing at her heels, she left._

Daddy truly did love her; his love was just never enough to amount to anything. She knew it, he knew it and even I, the bumbling 8-year-old at the time knew that too. The only thing his love came to be ended in a deep sorrow that lasted a lifetime and a bleak empty look in his eyes that lasted to his final days. He found comfort in a good friend of his though, Jack and Daniel. Or J.D. for short, his favourite long necked friend, clutched tightly in his calloused palms.

He lived only three more years after his wife left, and then, I was passed onto my grandparents. I'd cried heartily at his funeral, my little palms digging into my face, they only had a warm hand pressed onto my forehead as I wept. They fumbled and groaned about their 'wayward daughter' not being able to 'stop fooling around' and take care of her child in a time like this, but she never responded to their messages and calls.

I thought she wanted to avoid her family, but a part of me knew that when she left she had no intention of returning. And that burned me almost as much as the loss of my father. I was an orphan. _By the choice of my own parents._

They told me stories about her, about how she'd always wanted to be an actress and had even dropped out of university for it, not wanting to be Doctors like they were. But then she got knocked up by my father and was pressured into a marriage. The rest was recent history. I thought acting was a good dream to have, but they disagreed. So, I disagreed too. And as the years pushed by, I started to disagree with anything and everything that my mother ever was.

We three had lived together in a small house on the border of a large city.

I grew up like any other child would.

(Or as best as they _could_ without their parents).

Every morning, it would be a "get up sweetheart!" From either my grandma or grandpa and I'd pull myself out of bed to get ready for the day. I'd come down to a made breakfast (they would never let me starve, even if I did feel a little more towards the chubby side) and then I'd eat amongst the soft but happy voices of my guardians. When the hand of the clock had reached ten little dashes away from the 12, I'd pick up my schoolbag, give them both kisses and run out to my bus. It would take approximately half an hour to get to school, and when we did, we'd arrive at a decent establishment called school. We'd spend around six hours every day being taught the basics of human life and really, _nothing could be better than that_.

When I fell and scraped my knee, it would take three days to heal and when someone had called me a bad name, I'd cry. When I'd hit middle school, I had friends and enemies, and crush on the guy who sat in front of me. I'd even feel the little green monster gnaw on me whenever he talked a pretty girl.

In high-school I was a slightly above average student, but never enough to gather any attention.

Not that I wanted that.

 _God forbid_ I got that, so I always played it safe, within my comfort zone. I got by with A's, B's and a few C's. And when I finished that chapter in my life, I managed to scrape into a university, working towards a science degree.

Life was nothing short of _average_.

No unnatural powers, no crazy accidents ( _not yet)_ and no epic adventure to teach me life lessons in friendship or some bullshit. It was peaceful, and I guess I should be thankful, but I always had the need for more. I wanted more than the typical nine-to-five, I didn't want to just settle down when I hit my aging years, nor did I want to grow old in some old care home telling the poor nurses stories that I wish had happened because _nothing happened._

But one day, things changed.

It was snowing.

One of my lectures had finished late so I was left to walk home to an empty apartment. Everyone else had diverged into their own paths and I was left walking a quiet road home. Most nights with my ear buds stuffed into my ears, and hands constantly shuffling in my pockets for heat; I'd buried my face deeper into my thick scarf.

A shaky and bare hand reached out of my pocket and hit the button on the traffic light as I'd waited the already slow traffic grind to a halt as the colours had shifted from green, to amber and finally to the red. I didn't even wait for the green man to tell me that I could safely cross when I did. And, my impatience cost me much more than anything else had in my entire life.

As I trudged along the short walk between the two pieces of pavement, a truck was speeding down the concrete at a _very_ illegal speed.

( _You see, the driver had just been fired that day (or_ _ **they better**_ _have been) and was drunk out of their mind, so decided to take one last fucking joy ride around the city in a 90-tonne hunk of death at 60-70mph_ ).

My music was blaring at full volume and my eyes were focused on the path ahead of me so much so, that by the time that I had seen its headlights approach me from the corner of my eyes, my arm had already suffered at least multiple fractures and my ribs were being collapsed into my lungs like a foldable fucking chair. I felt bones bend and crack in ways that a body shouldn't, until the force of the truck had forced my head to whip against the cold hard metal and I saw darkness.

Any pain that my body was beginning to pick up on had disappeared and I had entered a numb and almost euphoric state of mind. My life had flashed before my eyes and I must say, it was as I'd remembered it. Simple, straightforward and _gone_.

My grandparents would never be able to cry at my graduation, my mother would never see her baby girl become a woman (if she ever came back) and my dad… He was probably waiting at whatever afterlife had been expecting me. I didn't think I was good enough for heaven, and hell was too harsh a punishment for someone as plain as myself.

So _where_ was I going?

But before I could ponder on that thought, my consciousness began to fade. I came to realise that _this_ was death. Cold and quiet, like sleep but much more permanent. So, with that, I let go.

As far as I was concerned, _that_ life was over.

 _It's my time_ , I had told myself.

What I didn't know was that there was someone else who had very different ideas for me.

* * *

For those who have read this before, I am editing each chapter! Please look out for them and let me know your thoughts!

Edited: 1/2/18


	2. The Fool

_**-**_ _The fool_ **is like a child, open and innocent. Signalling a fresh start, and infinite possibilities. -**

* * *

" _ **There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."**_

 _ **Charles Bukowski**_

* * *

Death was cold. So cold in fact, that I wondered if I really did make it into hell. I counted through the circles, and realised that I technically qualified for at least three. I was never baptised, I wasn't even vaccinated until I had told my grandparents that I didn't even know what needles were, but they weren't religious so neither was I. I was most definitely guilty of sloth and maybe even wrath but if memory served then being encased in ice required _treachery_. I was never treacherous. _Was I?_

It wasn't until a voice rang out that stopped me in my thoughts.

" _Hello?"_

If this were hell, then Satan truly is everything you want him to be, I thought. He sounded like my _father_. It made me want to weep in sadness and joy, but I couldn't see. I couldn't see past the dark curtain of black before me, and the cold felt even colder knowing that if he were right in front of me, I wouldn't even know.

" _Sweetness, you look troubled."_ The darkness - _my daddy_ spoke, like warm honey. Sweet and silken, yet not enough to cringe. _"Tell me, what's wrong?"_

"How do you know?" I asked wearily in no direction, yet felt my voice strongly in both ears. "How do you know I am troubled if you can't see me?"

" _A father knows his daughter best, love."_ He chuckled deeply, like he was amused. _"Tell me what is wrong."_

"Daddy- It, it's you, right?" I asked, but it felt more like pleading. The scar of his death was one I had buried away, but I never forgot. Even when the world had, I didn't. But the pain had never left me either. I was angry, _livid_ when I was younger but it turned into a dull ache as I aged. The gap he left was never filled, and I was always left wanting, even when I didn't truly want anything that was only in arms reach.

" _Yes, it is love."_ I could hear his smile, for the first time in years- I- I didn't want to believe it. It was like my heart decided to vomit up every ugly feeling I had buried away all in one moment, yet with no means to show it.

"I-missed you." My voice quivered and shook, I could feel tears form on eyes I didn't think I had. "I missed you so much."

" _I missed you love, but I think something's wrong. Don't you?"_ I sniffled, through another body part I didn't think I had. I didn't reply, not quite yet ready to speak. _"Something is off._ "

"What?" I tried blinking, seeing. But alas, it didn't make a difference.

" _You."_ I stopped, he continued. " _You aren't quite done yet, are you love?"_

"What do you mean? I'm dead, I have nowhere else to be." I have nothing left.

" _No, you aren't staying, are you?"_ He spoke again, and the honey started to feel like acid _. "You're just like your mother, aren't you love?"_

"What?" He can't be serious. "No! Daddy, I'm not going anywhere!" I am _**nothing**_ like that woman.

" _What a liar. Quite an actress you are, you always did take after her more than me."_

"Daddy I-" I choked on my breath, I didn't know what to say to convince him otherwise, "-I'm not going anywhere I promise!"

" _Promise?"_ He spat the word out like it was foul on his tongue. " _You are your mother's daughter."_

"What do you mean? I keep my promises, I'm not like her, I'm not!" He really thought I was going to leave him. My heart trembled and shook, parts of it took pleasure in knowing that he felt my pain and sorrow but it squeezed to the point I felt like I couldn't breathe.

" _But you are. Your mother promised to return and she didn't. Not for_ _ **you**_ _, not for me, not for us. And now you too, are leaving me. I know you're upset that I left so soon but this isn't fair! I died and watched over you and your mother, protected you as best as I could and this is how you repay me?! My own daughter!"_

"…you watched over us?" my voice was weak, throat clogged with cries that I didn't want him to hear- that I didn't want to give. "Daddy, please I-"

" _Hush. I did."_ He sighed, _"Despite what you may think of me, I watched you grow. Through all your sorrows and pain, you grew into such a strong young woman."_ His voice was soft again, a short reprieve from his earlier venom. I was comforted by that at least. _He loved me, didn't he?_

It was short lived though as his anger came back with force. " _I also watched your mother roam around the world with some fool with deeper pockets and she fell for every trick in the book. Shallow woman, now pitifully raising another daughter and son all on her own while he does it all again with some younger and prettier naive girl. I may have been a coward, but she is a greater idiot than I ever will be."_

A silence befell us. Thick and heavy. I never knew what became of my mother. But _she did what?_ That is what she left us- me, for another life, with another man, another _daughter_. My heart pulled and tore. I believed her, for years, I had believed her. That one day she would return for me. I was passed off from a dead father to unwitting grandparents while she enjoyed another life? Was I not enough of her daughter to want, to care for? Did she ever even think of me? Of father? _Did she even know we were dead?_

" _She was always a cruel woman, and I hoped that if anyone could change her, I could. But all I did was create another one, didn't I?"_ Each word cut like knives, digging themselves deeper. I want _nothing_ to do with that woman, she was as much my mother as he was my father.

 _That's right_.

I had almost forgotten how he'd gone and drunk himself to death. Leaving me, _me,_ his precious daughter to stumble upon his fucking corpse. What a farce. Maybe he was right, maybe I am my mother's daughter, but I am also his child. This rotten apple didn't fall far from the tree. I swallowed down the sadness, the longing. And all that was left was bitterness.

"I wasn't going to go anywhere, but now, I just might." I spat my own venom, just as potent. "Both my parents bail out on me in life, I think I can do the same in death."

A spark emerged, as if answering my call. A literal light at the end of the tunnel. Like a door that opened, I didn't hesitate to move. I already felt myself be pulled before I heard one final thing.

" _Goodbye love, I hope this life treats you better than we did._ " His voice was a smooth again if not a little hoarse too. His anger was gone, as if it didn't exist in the first place. I had a feeling I was played into leaving after all. _Fathers know their daughters best._ That's what he'd said. I tried to pull away from the light to search for him but it was too late.

It didn't dawn on me that I had no idea what I had just unintentionally thrown myself into, but before I had time to ponder my choices, a man dressed in what looked to be scrubs and a surgical mask looked down at me before saying something I didn't understand. Was I in surgery? _Did I survive?_ The light saturated into my eyes and all my senses flooded back all at once and I was soon overwhelmed with a flurry of sounds and textures – more than I could keep up with.

 _What's going on?_ I tried to ask, but whether I had asked it was lost on me. Like the tuning of a radio, I slowly regained my bearings as static noises and voices became clearer and clearer.

Crisp, clear sounds filled my ears.

They were unfamiliar voices, a vague mixture of both male and female. They spoke in a tongue which I wasn't fluent in, but I could recognise it as an Asian language. Chinese? Wait no… Japanese maybe? I'd had a few friends who were, and I had often walked into conversations mixed with their native tongue. They'd tried to teach me and I regret not taking them up on their offer.

"Omedetō, Shimizu-san!"

 _Omede- what?_

I was about to question him but then he did something that I didn't agree to, or even _understand_ at the time. _He picked me up_.

And that's where my thoughts stopped.

I could feel latex gloved hands on my body, and while I believed myself to be small, I was by no means small enough to be effortlessly lifted by some man. I fell silent for a moment as I tried to process this.

 _What the fuck is going on?_

Am I small? Is he a titan? Too many thoughts ran through my mind and it didn't help but notice that _I couldn't move._ My paralysis only now dawning on me, I realised that I couldn't move my head and I think I could move my arms and legs but it's not like I could see them. I tried reaching out to whatever else surrounded me but I was only met with air.

Looking up at my captor, I only stared. He looked a little shocked but he seemed to be… smiling under his mask? Confusion was my name at this point because _nothing_ made sense. Then, I got handed to a beautiful but exhausted woman and the pieces started to fall together.

She looked beat, but that did nothing to hinder her glow. I was staring up in amazement of her and her dark, almost deep violet hair and her piercing grey eyes. Her skin was flawless (if you excuse the odd red – but that appeared to be more of a blush than anything else) and her smile radiated warmth and happiness. Amongst my apparent admiration of the woman holding me, a man came into view. He looked worn, though not as much as the woman. He was a little plainer, but attractive nonetheless. He had leaned on the bed the woman was apparently on, an arm wrapping itself around the woman's shoulder. With tears pooling in his eyes, he kissed her temple before looking at me with an odd amount of adoration. _Husband and wife_. I wanted to assume they were anyway, I was always a romantic at heart and the sight warmed me.

It was at that point that I had noticed that the silence had broken and a light gurgle could be heard. I figured it could be a child, but where? It sounded close but I didn't see any children.

If they captured children…

I only shivered to think what they would do. These titan-like people looked human enough. I mean, more attractive than the normal ones I know, but that wasn't a difficult feat.

The gargling got louder and I wanted to turn my head, but I found that I couldn't. I wanted to try again, but to no avail. For whatever reason the only thing I could move were my pudgy little arms and-

-wait.

 _Wait._

I was small, yes, but _pudgy_ was never a word I would associate myself with. Flailing my arms around again, I was in fact right, and I had pudgy little arms. The man had taken it upon himself to reach for me, assuming I was reaching for him, and I decided to humour him. Grabbing his index finger with my hand, I made a sudden realisation.

I could barely hold his entire finger in my hand.

I, was a _baby_.

Or, at least in the body of one. This certainly explained all the baby noises in the background. They were _my_ baby noises _._ And my neck… Hell, babies can't even lift their heads. I was nothing more than a crying mesh of incomplete human. _Someone else's incomplete human._

Did I seriously take the place of somebody's baby? I _died_ , life didn't work like a videogame. Death meant death, we didn't have multiple lives. Life isn't fair enough to give us another chance.

I'm sure that if I had a mother, she wouldn't look like that. I had dark hair in my past life, but not in that beautiful a shade, nor with such shine. My eyes were nowhere near her smooth almond like ones, nor did I have pale pearly skin; mine was always a little olive.

(This surely broke a moral code, _somewhere_ ).

Where is there real baby now? Am I _their_ baby? What was my previous life? Some sick _trial run_?

 _Am I even human?_

He simply cooed at me as I gurgled back. Sure, it didn't sound positive, but it was better than crying. He smiled down at me, but this didn't soothe my looming existential crisis of very literally being born again.

The woman simply smiled at the scene before she said something else. A very short word, what I assumed it to be my name, judging by the man's nodding.

"Akane."

 _Akane_. Sounded good. No idea what it meant, but I'm sure 'Aka' was a colour? They named me after a colour? Well, it was better than- than-

… _what was my old name?_

"Akane-chan, ohayo!" My pseudo-mother called, in a delighted and high-pitched tone.

… _What did I look like before?_

"Hai! Ohayo!" My pseudo-father followed, mimicking her tone.

… _Why can't I…_

"Akane-chan?" She asked, looking deeply into my eyes. The look felt familiar but… it wasn't right.

 _Why can't I remember anything?_

I remember a family. I had one before. A… mother? Grandmother?

I try to search deep in the crevices of my mind, but… I can't remember any names.

The memories were still there but the names and faces… they were just… gone.

I then feel a tugging deep in my stomach and a swirling of something terrible, sickly. Not the sickly ' _I need to vomit'_ kind of sickly, but the sickly you feel when you know you've done something wrong. It's the same feeling I felt when I came home with my first ' _F'_ as a child and my grandmother looked down at me with a vivid disappointment in her cloudy eyes _._

 _Failure_ , her eyes said.

It was a practised look, and I can tell that perhaps, it was not the first time she's seen this before. Perhaps, she saw my mother in me, and that scared- no, terrified me. _I didn't want to be like her_.

My mother was _bad._

…I think.

Why was she bad again?

The sensation churned deeply in my stomach, slowly spreading to my torso to the point I could feel myself slowly begin to tremble. _This isn't right._ I want it to be right, but _I know_.

The longer they stared at me the more the guilt dug deeper and deeper into my chest and apparently, my poor little baby body couldn't handle it. Before I know it, I start crying.

I began to wail loudly, louder than they've heard from me thus far – I even think my 'father' jumped when I began to flail, but my 'mother' quickly caught on and began to rock me.

This isn't my family.

While I was here revelling in the warmth of a new life, my old- previous- _other_ family would be heading over to the hospital where my corpse was being held and they'd look down at my broken body. Their little girl reduced to nothing but wasted life. I can almost hear their hoarse voices screaming ' _why?'_ to the heavens. I don't think they'd ever expected that I'd go before they did, to live long enough to see their only child/grandchild lying cold in a morgue.

My mother, my _real_ one… well, I don't think she'd ever come to know. If she ever comes back from wherever she went to hoping to see me, she'll be welcomed with nothing more than empty apologies and a headstone.

And my father…?

My skin begins to crawl and a deep longing and agony fills me. I grow more and more disgusted with myself.

I – I was about to _replace_ _them._

My memories were slowly fading and piece by piece - everything I once was began to crumble in my mental hold. Like waves on a rocky shore, pieces of my previous life were stolen from me and I was powerless to stop it. _I don't want to forget them! They were_ _ **my**_ _family- I didn't ask for any of this! They raised me even if they didn't want to- they made me who I am!_

 _THIS ISN'T FAIR._

Swinging my fresh limbs around as much as I could, I screamed and I screamed.

Screamed at the injustice and the unfairness, and in mourning of my lost life – the tragedy that I left behind.

 _I don't deserve this._

I screamed until I'd exhausted myself; my arms and legs aching in every muscle I could move, face still warm from the flood of tears. Slowly, my eyes began to shut, as I grew weary of my outburst. A soft song lulling me to sleep.

 _I'd never felt so ashamed to be alive._

-x-

It took me a long time to come to terms with my new existence. I refused to talk and eat, I refused to suckle some woman who I later had to accept to be my new mother. (I overcame that quickly when I realised how much _hungrier_ babies became, it was embarrassing but a necessity if I wanted to stay alive).

(Not that I knew if I wanted to).

My new mother coddled me and sang to me, her bell like singing permeating through the halls and rooms of our home. As it turned out, she gave birth to me in their home, which was convenient as it meant she didn't have to travel far to get everything she needed – and by extension I didn't need to leave the room. Ever. It was odd to think that I hadn't left the room I was born in, being confined to the same four walls but it was home. And as the days passed I began to think.

Were they protecting me from whatever was out there? If so, what? Who?

What could strike fear in them so strongly that they wouldn't risk their new-born seeing the outside world?

Or maybe they were homebodies. I had no idea, but it was fun to ponder on the possibilities.

The only taste of the outside world that I could get was the small window to the left side of my cot. Situated at the foot of the bed, I was always under watchful eye of at least one of my parents. I could sometimes see the clouds poke into the frame as if to check on me, but that couldn't be the case. I watched as the sun set, and sometimes, If I woke up early enough, the sun rise. I never noticed how many colours the sky could be and how beautiful it was, but I guess I never noticed anything in my past life.

Those were the times I was most silent. When I was just admiring the world around me, I was quiet.

Amongst my time alone, I'd worked out a system that parents respond to. While I couldn't understand what they were saying, I knew I had to learn or otherwise be doomed to be a confused mess for the rest of my life. Of course, picking up a new language isn't done overnight, so whenever I heard them converse or even the sound of the television or radio play in the other rooms, I scrutinised every word, every sound and practiced in the scarce moments I was alone.

When I wasn't alone, I was still. Physically still, mentally still, just trying to think. But, a still baby isn't a normal baby. Babies cry and look for attention but most days I just laid there, vacant. My parents noticed this quickly and had a doctor check on me, but that only went as far as the first check-up.

I think they just concluded that their child was just _weird_ , or at the least, _special_.

They just didn't know how to deal with it.

So, I made things a little easier on them and began to act a little more… normal. I began to cry when I was hungry, whined when I wanted attention and I would be fidgety when I wanted to be picked up. I didn't need words for a language, not yet. My little baby tongue couldn't handle the movements so I observed grammar and words, down to the sound. I tried to pick up the written language but when you're staring up at a ceiling for most of your first year alive; you don't pick up much. They welcomed this, accepting it as their baby finally warming up to them.

And besides, maybe being fussed over wasn't all _that_ bad.

-x-

I was about one and a half when they decided it was okay for me to leave the room. Part of me was comforted by the four walls that became my home but my curiosity was stronger, so when they lifted me through the threshold, I was more than eager to explore this new world. We lived in a small apartment. Much smaller than the room I was first introduced to, and every room was plainer than the last. I was given the grand tour and nothing really stuck out to me. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom. It was all so… normal. I hate to say that I was disappointed, that I'd expected my new life to be a little more exciting but it was dull. Mediocre. Normal.

We'd just turned the corner and we were met with three doors. To the left was the room which was effectively my hope for the past year, the right, the bathroom. But the one across – well that was a mystery.

Then came the last room.

The last one was pink. Not just any pink, a bright magenta. It was decorated with lights and pictures, posters lined the walls and there were even some drawings in some corners. The furniture matched the room too, bright pink dresser and a pink bedframe with matching sheets. The lamp, the toys, the curtains – everything was dyed some hue of pink and after a while it started to hurt my eyes. I resorted to burying my head into my mother's neck to hide from the feminine monstrosity but something else caught my attention.

A little blob sat in a cot next to the window.

"Morning, Ri-chan! Mama and Akane-chan came to visit!" My mother said with glee as she strolled us over. Leaning over the edge, I saw a child. Maybe no older than myself, with a little tuft of deep violet hair tied up with a bow and matching baby onesie as me, it didn't take long for me to figure out who she was. Or at least, try to guess.

I have a sister?

After a year- and I only notice her now? Was she here the whole time? I've either lost my edge, or something isn't right because my mother was _not_ pregnant. And whilst my new pseudo-sister looked like my mother she held no resemblance to my father at all. So, either she inherited everything from my mother or… is a cousin. And though I hadn't seen hide nor hair of any other relatives, they could still exist. Of course, I could be completely wrong and maybe my mother was pregnant… but then why didn't I notice? Why didn't they say anything?

Nothing made sense, but it seemed like the new family member had drawn her own conclusions. She didn't like me.

 _Great._

I'd like to think I was thinking out of pure objectivity, but the look in her eyes when she saw me was not a good one. She didn't like me. The way she tensed when her eyes reached mine, and the way her fist clenched lightly as she saw me clutch our mother's shirt told me I was overstepping my boundaries. It didn't take long for me to guess that she was the spoiled one out of us two- _the favourite_ even. It looked like she was the type who got everything she wanted, _her_ way, before she could even say a word. If her room didn't scream 'daddy's little princess', I didn't know what did.

But, she did only just meet me. Maybe… she'll be nice?

-x-

 _(I was wrong._

 _She was never nice._

 _Onee-chan was_ _ **always**_ _a selfish liar.)_

-x-

It wasn't until I started eating solid foods that I started noticing that we were weird. Or maybe it was just me, but I'm sure toddlers aren't fed raw meat. It tasted _amazing_ so I wasn't sure if it really was just raw meat. I had no clue whether it was a dietary thing either, but I hadn't seen anything green in our kitchen when I'd been taken around the house- _oh_ and another thing I'd noticed. At the age of 3 I had yet to leave the house. Not once was I able to go further than my windowsill, and the door was off limits.

They're either helicopter parents or just plain paranoid. I didn't mind, but that didn't mean I was never curious about the outside.

Other than that though, our lives ran on a clock. At 8am we'd wake up and get ready, at 8:30 we'd have breakfast and kiss papa goodbye, then spend the rest of the day at home with mama who did the housework and played with us. Sometimes she'd read sometimes we'd play games, though when she was busy I'd engross myself in whatever book I could get my hands on for the day and Ri-chan would be off playing with her dolls. Then, papa would return at 6pm, we'd play together and have dinner at 7 then sleep at 9. _Shower, rinse, repeat._ That was our life. And it was _sweet_.

But, it was lonely.

Ri-chan noticed it too, but she wasn't very much for talking with me. She was haughty and demanded attention, attention that she receives enough from our parents. What's the point if she just sees me as an obstacle for their love, right?

It's a terrible idea, _I know_ I should try to build on whatever sibling bond we should have, but there was something… _off_ about her.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but onee-chan always looked so… I don't know how else to put it but…hungry.

Either for that glorious meat thing they always fed us or if it was for attention, I just don't know but she was never happy with what we had. I had lived a life before so I knew that these would be the easiest years of my life but she didn't know that.

I could see by the way her eyes sparkled at the door frame to our little apartment that she wanted more. What scared me was the ominous sparkle her eyes held when they turned to me.

 _Onee-chan is a troublemaker._

-x-

One day, she thought it would be a great idea to sneak outside. And the bumbling idiot I was, had decided to follow her.

It was a rare moment when she'd come to me of her own accord, since she usually happy in her own world. So, in a pleasantly surprised mood, I agreed to whatever she proposed _. Maybe onee-chan is starting to warm up to me_ , I thought. I don't remember if I had siblings or not (leaning towards _not)_ so companionship was something I was very open to.

"Akane-chan, Hurry! Mama gonna see!" She quietly yelled, pulling me along by my wrist. Mama had gone outside to put up the laundry on our balcony and left the front door unlocked for papa. Something she often did, but something Ri-chan had only spotted today and decided to make full use of.

Onee-chan was older than me, but not by much to my surprise. Less than a year, but you wouldn't be able to tell since she was already taller than me. And she was much bossier, so what she says, goes. Not that I was complaining.

Pulling over a small stool by the kitchen, she let go of my hand as plopped it in front of the door. Climbing on and pulling the metal handle down, the door opened with a click and light from the outside poured in.

I stood in wonder as I finally saw the great outdoors, even if it was just the concrete and metal bars of an apartment complex. Ri-chan was amazed as well, her chubby little face brightening up momentarily before she became determined once more. She jumped down and without a moment's notice had dragged me through the threshold.

We were free.

It smelled so good outside, so fresh and crisp, the sun was poking through clouds and the day was bright. It was _perfect_.

We were happily running along the little corridor, the little pit patter of our feet echoing through the hall as we made our way to the stairs. We hadn't even bothered to look at the other apartments, they were all shut anyway. Besides, something else caught our interest. Past the bars we saw across the concrete road was a _park_. Slides and swings galore like we'd seen on our shows on TV and in some of the picture books.

(A little part of my head told me to turn back but I ignored it _, I'm a child_ they can forgive me).

(There was no way I was turning my back on some needed sister time).

"Akane-chan, we go there!" She asked, though it came off as more of a demand. I nodded, figuring mama wouldn't mind if we came back before she noticed.

Rushing down the spiral stairs hand in hand, down three flights, had reached the road. It was empty, oddly so, for what looked to be a normal day, but that made things easier for us.

But, just as we touched the end of the small path leading up to it, we heard a familiar shrill voice.

"Akane-chan?! Rize-chan! Where are you?!"

Uh-oh.

I looked at onee-chan. It only took her a moment to process the situation, we were so close to our goal but _mama was calling_. She looked at me before she looked up at where mamas voice came from. She let go of my hand like it burned her and in my confusion, had pushed me to the pavement, my hands and elbows scraping as I fell and small rocks dug into my knees. I could feel tears prick my eyes and a fearful uncertainty spread through me.

"Ri-chan?" I questioned, not quite understanding. She glanced behind as she walked, looking at my small crumpled form on the ground. She stared, then she _giggled._

 _Are you kidding me?_

It was a quiet giggle, but it felt so loud in my ears. It was humiliating.

She turned back, no longer sparing a glance as I saw her race up the stairs. Anger flared a deep crimson within me. Pushing myself onto my feet, I didn't even bother dusting myself off as I followed, ignoring the stinging of my wounds or the blood that coated my hands, _ready to give that brat a piece of my mind-_

But when I reached the top of the staircase, I saw my mama. Next to her, I saw Ri-chan holding her hand, crocodile tears marring her face.

"Akane-chan opened the door mama!" She said, pointing at me with a distressed look on her face. "Akane-chan made me go mama! She did!"

Mama knelt, pulling her into a hug before carrying her up and holding her on her hip, rubbing Ri-chans back as she calmed down. When she looked at me, her eyes said it all.

Anger, disappointment and sadness. Mama believed _her_ , and _I'm_ the one who was injured?

"But mama-!" I tried to argue but the narrowing of her eyes said it all. _Stop, I know it was you. Don't make it worse for yourself._

The coldness in her eyes prevented me from speaking.

 _I didn't do anything wrong mama!_

I sniffled, she stared.

Stupid.

Adults are stupid.

I berated myself. I should've _known!_ Clenching my fist, I looked down, trying to ignore the tears pooling in my eyes as they spilled forth and hit the floor beneath. _Of course, she'd believe her!_ I bit my lip in anger refusing to cry out.

I rubbed my eyes, refusing to look even more pathetic than I'd already looked.

"Come inside, Akane-chan." Was all she said before she turned, to walk back inside. Silent anger lacing her voice.

What annoyed me the most though, was not my mother's clear favouritism but when she'd turned, Ri-chan had looked over her shoulder and with a disgustingly smug look on her face had raised her little hand, moving it to look like she was dusting off the air in front of her.

She was telling me to _shoo._

That was when it clicked. Ri-chan never saw me as a sister.

She saw me as a pest. Vermin that wandered into her home.

 _I hate you._ My eyes told, but they weren't received.

She didn't care. She was the _favourite_. She didn't need me. The way she buried her head into the crook of mama's neck as she disappeared into our home told me she was just a child I should forgive her, but so was I. _I was a child too_.

I would make her see me.

I would make them all see me.

It sparked my drive; I want to _win_ against onee-chan.

I want to win _no matter the cost_.

-x-

When papa returned home that day, mama told him.

Expectedly, he was mad.

They wouldn't leave the door unlocked ever again.

They took my books away.

Ri-chan giggled behind her dolls as my tears began to fall.

( _Stupid fucking adults)_.

 _My drive grew_.

-x-

We didn't see the outside again until we were six years old. A couple of years had passed since that time, but it wasn't forgotten. I never understood why, and they never answered when I asked.

No, I found out why when we went to elementary school for the first time.

Surprise surprise, Ri-chan made all the friends, I… didn't. But I didn't mind the isolation after being used to it for so long. I was smarter.

It didn't matter how many friends she had, _I_ was the one teachers sang praise about, _not her_. So, I didn't care about not having friends.

Teachers found it odd, but if I proved to be a good budding student, they didn't mind.

Papa walked us to and from school every day, clutching both of our hands tightly. He wearily waved goodbye as we disappeared past the gates, we both entered together, but once he disappeared we diverged paths completely.

She made her distaste of me known after that time too, going out of her way to annoy me, even get me into trouble but that didn't deter me.

I had a goal to reach.

But, one interesting little thing that I did learn was that we weren't normal.

I wasn't sure if Ri-chan knew yet, but I knew.

We couldn't eat normal food. When the teachers handed us snacks, it would taste so bad that I'd had to claw at my tongue to get rid of the abhorrent taste. Our parents explained it as sensitive tongues, an allergy to certain foods which is why our lunches and snacks were always packed.

But another thing I noticed was that we were physically better than other kids. Not just faster, but stronger and we tired less often. It put myself and Ri-chan at odds when we played games in PE but the extra competition wasn't bad.

We weren't normal, and maybe that was why they didn't want us leaving the house. They were protecting us.

 _Our parents wanted to protect us_. It gave a warmth in my heart and I could never fault that.

I didn't know what we were, but we were something special.

And if there's something I know it's that people will take 'special' things away.

* * *

Reviews give me, and the story life so please leave feedback!

 _Posted: 16/02/17 Edited: 1/2/18_


	3. Fools rush in

**-** _Only fools rush in_ -

* * *

 **"Your heart is the size of a fist because you need it to fight."**

 **-Lora Mathis**

* * *

When I began my petty quest for knowledge, I did it all in spite. But what I forgot was that knowledge always came at a cost, and sometimes, things are best left unknown.

But what I learned was that some knowledge was always meant to come to you, whether you accept it or not. And that the price too, will always follow.

-x-

"Ne, mama, what is this?" I poked at the red meat on my plate. I had no idea what it was and I'd been eating solids for a good 6 years of my life. It looked disgusting as all hell and it made me look like I devoured a fresh carcass with all the blood but the smell alone was _amazing._ Mama looked up from her own plate and looked deep into my eyes, at first it was in shock, then fear before she forced a smile on her face. Weird.

"Oh honey, its… well…" She struggled. It was strange, she always spoke with a certainty; even when she didn't fully understand, she was confident. I didn't like her hesitating like this.

Glancing at the seat next to her which was normally filled with the warm smile of my father, today it was empty. Is this meat thing something she was going to explain with papa?

"It can't be anything bad right mama?" I asked innocently, hoping she'd stop looking so worried. I absentmindedly cut into my meat.

I heard a snicker to my left. I rolled my eyes before sparing her a glance. She hid a smug grin behind her hand, shaking her head. Her grin pushed her cheeks over her small palms as her body shook with giggles.

 _Brat._

"What? Do you know what it is?" I challenged. I half expected her to huff, but she just gave me a sly look. She was my height and she still managed to look down on me and it really pissed me off. I stabbed the meat on my plate.

"Obviously, _dummy_ ," she emphasised the dummy and it made both me and my mother scowl, for once. She usually turned a blind eye to her behaviour but it was nice to see her take my side for once- "We eat humans."

I looked down at the fork in my mouth, then to my mother. She was glaring at Ri-chan. I glared at Ri-chan.

What a terrible joke.

-x-

"Papa, what do we eat?" I asked, staring at the television. It wasn't often that he'd be home so the moment I saw him slumped on the couch, half-watching a show, I'd hop on his lap and he'd send me a smile before we sat together and enjoyed the peace and silence. I know he needs his rest but this meat issue was really bugging me.

I enjoyed the 'meat only' diet, but what concerned me was _how_ meat alone could sustain us. If I remembered right we had five basic food groups and they most definitely weren't all meat. And not to mention, I'd seen kids at school eat everything else: rice, eggs, fruits, vegetables. As much as I loved the firm red stuff, I missed sweets. I missed warm meals and even greasy fast food. I missed the cold milk with my cereal and warm pancakes and syrup. I missed normal food.

Our fridge always had the unmarked bags the meat came in, and Tupperware with normal looking food in it, but was never brought out to the table. The Tupperware teased me from inside the fridge constantly but I wasn't going to risk the wrath of my parents for touching something I shouldn't be touching. We never ate outside. I wasn't sure whether it was because of money but it left me too curious to keep to myself.

"We should really wait for mama." He replied tiredly, tightening his grip around my waist before loosening it again. I could feel his chin rest on my head. "She's much better with words, you know."

I couldn't hold back a sigh. This was frustrating.

"But papa," I continued, turning around to face him, "why can't we eat what other people eat? Is something wrong with us?" It would be perfectly understandable, one in four suffer a mental condition, why couldn't there be a condition where we could only pick up one type of taste sensation? Not to mention all the isolated cases of genetically linked conditions, it may be entirely possible in this 'new world' for such a thing to exist.

"Never." He replied with force, too much force for what I was expecting. He had strong conviction in his voice as if he were arguing against something. "There is nothing wrong with us, and if anyone says otherwise you tell your papa, okay?"

I stilled on his lap, his eyes pulled away from mine and focused on the screen. I kept staring, and when he didn't turn back to me, I looked towards the television screen too. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding and leaned back into the warmth of my father.

Very weird.

-x-

That night, I heard mama and papa argue for the first time. Sure, they had spats, about the bills, school and stuff but they never shouted. I tried not to think it was my fault, but I really believed it was _my fault_. The moment I heard 'food' and 'eating' thrown around, I knew I had at least some part of this. _My_ mama and papa fighting because of _me_.

" _Why are you bringing this up now?!"_

" _You know exactly why! You KNOW what tomorrow is!_ _ **You**_ _should've-"_

" _Why don't **you** tell her why she can't eat other food then?! Huh?!"_

" _You're a real piece of work you know that? They're YOUR kids too!"_

Their voices grew louder and louder with every passing word. _Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. People say things they don't mean when they're angry. Ignore. Ignore._

" _YEAH? How about you go out there and do what I DO FOR THIS FAMILY?"_

If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have asked. I won't bring it up again, I won't speak during dinnertime, I'll even treat Rize-chan better.

" _YOU KNOW WHY I CAN'T!"_

Covering my ears tightly, I sat up in my bed. I could still hear them.

" _TELL THAT TO MY DAUGHTER, WHY NONE OF US CAN GO OUTSIDE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! WHY SHE CAN'T EAT WITH THE OTHER KIDS!"_

 _Ignore. Ignore. Ignore._

"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT! _SHE IS MY DAUGHTER TOO, AND I KNOW HER!"_

 _Ignore. Ignore. Ignore._

" _DON'T YOU LIE YOU BARELY LOOK AT HER!"_

This started over food. _FUCKING FOOD._ I'd do anything to make them stop. I don't want either of them to leave. I didn't even care about knowing anymore. I don't care about why we were different. Okay that's a lie, but I can't deal-

" _SHE CAN HANDLE IT!"_

 _ **-I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.**_

" _NO, SHE CAN'T, SHES DIFFERENT AND YOU KNOW IT!"_

When the door had opened and saw light trickle in, I wanted to see mama and papa, but I didn't. I saw Rize.

" _WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE CAN'T? THE OTHER ONE TOOK IT FINE!"_

" _THEY AREN'T THE SAME AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW WHY!"_

She wasn't wearing her usual clever look and annoying smirk, instead she was in her pyjamas clutching her pink blanket and a stuffed animal with tears shining her eyes. The corners of her lips were slumped in a way that didn't make me feel any kind of satisfaction and I suddenly felt my age. However old I was, I was still older, so when I tossed up the side of my blanket and saw her face light up for the briefest of moments, I finally felt like I was doing something right.

She took a step through the threshold, looked back to the hall and dashed to my bed. She climbed on a limb at a time, throwing her belongings on and crawled up next to me. Pressed right up against my side, I felt her warmth and remembered. She's still a kid too. An annoying kid, but she shouldn't be going through this. I was smarter, I should've- could've done something to stop this. _Our_ mama and papa are screaming at each other- the two who used to look at each other with the stupidest love eyes and call each other corny pet names. And it was my fault.

I looked over at Rize who made herself comfy in my bed, eyes shut tight and her hands over her ears like mine. The light from the door reflected the tears on her face and my heartstrings pulled.

 _I'll fix this._ I promised. Reaching a hand across her shoulder, pulling her towards me. _I will._

We fell asleep like that, and I'm not sure what came first; silence or the sunrise.

-x-

Rize didn't like her little sister.

She was annoying. She was stupid, but she was smart. _Really_ smart. So sometimes she'd play little pranks on her, like hiding her books, messing with her food and making sure mama and papa played with her first. She never meant any real harm, but when she saw that her tears didn't come and her smile stopped dropping only to be replaced with a blank look did she realise that her sister wasn't as stupid as she thought either.

When her dolls went missing, she just knew it was her, and told her mama and papa, but they wouldn't believe her. _You probably just misplaced it_ , they said, _Aka-chan doesn't even like dolls_. Stupid. Her parents were stupid too, but she still loved them very much.

But Rize was possessive. Over her things, her parents and occasionally her sister. No matter how many times she wished she didn't have one, she liked it when Aka-chan followed her like a baby duckling and how silly her pictures were whenever they drew. So, she forgave her. Only after 'finding' the dolls of course, mama said to only give to people who deserve it.

Rize forgave her when she got mad at her for the whole 'park' thing a couple of years ago (she never did stop staring at that door, so when it got locked she finally paid more attention to their drawing competitions), and even doing better than her at school. It was fine, she had more friends anyway, it was really her fault for not trying harder to keep them. Rize was in a different class and still managed to convince a majority of her sister's class that she was a weirdo who they shouldn't be friends with. _Weak_ little humans don't deserve either of them anyway.

Rize never had to ask for forgiveness because she was _never_ wrong. But when her mama and papa started screaming and yelling, all she wanted to do was say sorry.

She knew that they weren't supposed to tell Aka-chan that they ate people because she thought she was one, but she said it anyway. She didn't think much of it, but she should've.

 _My fault my fault my fault_.

She was just trying to help her little sister, she was being _stupid_ again and she didn't even know how stupid she was being.

 _It's all my fault._

But Aka-chan shouldn't even _like_ humans. They're just food, what does it matter if we eat them? We're better than them anyway, if we wanted to, we could be the domin-dome- dominant ones. That's what papa said.

She ran from her room to her sister's room, _she's probably crying_ , she thought. _I'll have to comfort her_.

But when she opened the door and just saw her huddled up, she wanted to cry too. _This is scary_.

 _I'm scared_.

When Aka-chan opened her bed to her, she felt embarrassed, she was the onee-chan but she couldn't say no. She looked back to see that the hallway empty so she went for it.

When she felt a warm arm around her shoulder, she felt like maybe Aka-chan was saying ' _it's okay'_ , but she shouldn't be stupid. Her little sister wasn't as annoying like this and she liked it.

But she wanted her whole family, and never like this, never again.

She knew it wasn't possible though. Rize was realistic. She knew mama and papa were going to send her to some 'special place' where Aka-chan couldn't follow. She felt bad. She was just starting to like her little sister.

-x-

The next day, I woke up. I was calm for the moment I couldn't remember but when I did, I looked over to my left. A little bump was next to me and I sighed. I checked the clock, 7:30AM. Panic shoots through my system and I throw the covers off me, I almost jump out of bed and push the door to my room. Mama always wakes me up at 7 on the dot. I felt the cold floor on my feet and I ran out of room and to the hallway, turned a corner and got to my parent's room. I stared up at the pale door before I grabbed the handle and twisted.

 _Please, please, please be here._

The door opened to quiet room. A dark one too, the curtains were drawn shut but it was enough for me to see my mother curled up on their double bed, the sheets following her every breath. Looking so small, but she's so _here_. But papa, he wasn't.

 _No, no, no, no, no._

I didn't even register my feet had moved and I was running until I got to the front door.

 _Not again. No, no, no, no, no._

I stopped. _Again?_ Papa hasn't left before.

A light snore broke my thoughts and there he was.

"Papa!" I jumped on the couch and squeezed my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. The couch bounced with my added weight and I'm pretty sure I almost gave papa a heart attack but _he didn't leave_. He laughed with a deep, rough laugh and soon I felt his arms wrapped around me too.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He sat up, effortlessly pulling me up with him.

"Morning, papa." I giggled, turning my head sideways to hear his heartbeat. The familiar _ba-dum-ba-dum_ filled my ears and I was content.

"Did… Did your mother and I scare you yesterday?" He asked, pulling me away a little bit so he could look at me. His eyes were swollen and tired, he looked so worn but the small smile on his face was enough to convince me that everything was okay. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have scared you like that."

My lips tightened as I tried not to cry again.

"I love you so much, okay?" His smile widened and his dark eyes bore into mine, I didn't realise how dark they were, almost sinister but they were my papa's, it didn't matter.

"Love you too papa."

He hummed in response, leaning back into the couch with me in his arms.

I was _never_ going to ask about the food thing again. _Fuck all of that_. I wasn't a fan of band-aid solutions but I see the appeal. It'll bite me, I know it, but we can only handle so much. Mama and papa had their issues, and I couldn't add to that, I won't ever be a burden to them.

"Hmm, maybe you shouldn't go to school today." He looked up with a thoughtful look, "We kept you up all night, wouldn't want my little girl to collapse or something at school…"

I swear I lit up like a Christmas tree.

"But mama would get madder at me than she already is." He said, a frown pulling at his lips. He looked apologetic. I didn't hide the disappointment on my face. "Next time, honey. We'll have a day with just us, okay?"

His smile this time was much brighter, though I could tell something was off. His eyes looked a little sad, but I didn't want to put a damper on things so early in the morning. I could only nod, a satisfied smile on my face. _Next time it is._

-x-

Mama was mad. Or sad. She was something, that much was obvious. I don't know whether she heard me and papa this morning, but she locked herself in their room so it was safe to say that mama wasn't having any of what papa had to offer.

So, papa made our breakfast and our lunches, and he walked us to school. The walk was silent, but I was comfortable. Rize was oddly silent but I wasn't complaining, she was probably still embarrassed about yesterday.

 _Good_. Because I was embarrassed too.

"Take care girls! Have a good day, and if you feel ill don't be scared to tell the teacher, _okay_?" Papa's eyes shined with mischief, and I think I understood what he was saying. But, knowing how mama was at home, I'd leave them to work themselves out. _Next time_ , papa said earlier. I can wait.

"Okay papa, bye!" Rize shouted, already a few feet away and walking towards her friends. _Don't think she got it though._ Papa gave a weak smile and shook his head.

"I'll see you later sweetheart." With a kiss to my forehead, he left, waving to a few of the parents before he left and disappeared past the gates.

I turned and walked the opposite way, for once looking forward to getting through school.

But when I stepped through the doors of my class, I saw someone who I'd never seen before sat at the desk next to mine at the very back right next to the windows. He sat, eyes focused on the desk in front of him with a hard stare.

I bit the inside of my lip and figured I might as well make a good impression. I was never social, but this was a new life, and I still refuse to be what I was before. _Not that I can fully remember what past me was like._ Regardless _,_ something in me felt drawn to this kid. Maybe, this is a good idea.

I walked up to his desk, swallowing my fear and I tilted my head as he looked up at me. Brown eyes, blonde hair. _He looks normal enough_.

"Hi, I'm Shimizu Akane, what's your name?"

He stared at me, nervously, looking a little scared. But when I flashed a surprisingly confident smile, his face brightened up too.

"I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi. Nice to meet you Shimizu-chan."

Chan already? I guess I don't mind. He has a long name though.

"Cool."

He stared at me.

I said it in English. **English**. _I'm dumb, I'm dumb, everyone speaks Japanese!_ We haven't even started learning English yet! I didn't realise how little I'd spoken to others outside of my family but I didn't think I'd be this much of a mess. I was glad I still had a decent accent but this was not the time.

" _Cool?_ " He repeated, his accent heavy. _Cute_.

"Um… Your name is cool." I repeated in Japanese this time, "Its long, but that's not bad! I meant that mine's short and boring but that's not bad either and-" I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide my shame. _This is why I don't have friends_. "I'm sorry."

I waited for him to laugh, but oddly he didn't say anything. Opening my fingers, I looked at him past the gaps. He was staring right at me with a blank look on his face, his eyes discerning.

"You're…"

He started, pulling his hand up to his chin and leaned on his desk in a thinking pose. I prepared for the worst. _Yup,_ I'll write this one off as me biting the social dust yet again.

I can see it now – _You're weird. Boring. Socially awkward. An embarrassment to your family._

 _Yes, I know. Thank you._

"Cute."

I blinked.

"Huh?"

His smile widened into a bright grin and I felt blood rush to my cheeks. Before I could get another word out everyone began to pour in. They immediately noticed the new kid and before I knew it, I was pushed away from the front of his desk to the side of mine. A circle had formed around his desk and the room became much louder as everyone started asking him questions and introducing themselves.

Still reeling, I quietly sat down on my seat, hooking my bag over the side.

 _He called me cute?_

I glanced at my reflection in the window. Shoulder length dark purple hair like my mother, dark eyes like my father and my normal face. _This_ is cute?

I looked in his direction and saw him looking overwhelmed at the excited kids around him.

What an odd kid.

-x-

Classes went as normal for the rest of the day. I wanted to ask Nagachika-san about earlier but when I realised that that conversation would go nowhere, I dropped it. I didn't do it to actively avoid him, of course not. Nope. Live and let live, who needs him, right?

But, when lunch rolls around I guess I made a larger impression on him than I thought I did, because he pushed our desks together before I even finished saying 'okay' to his request to eat together. It's obvious that the other kids want to eat with him too, but seeing me seems to be enough to deter them. _Huh_.

"Can you speak English?" He asked, opening his lunch box. He doesn't seem to care that it's just us two, and I appreciate that.

"I… um." I hesitated, seeing the narrow stares from our classmates behind him. "Yes, a little bit."

"That's really cool! How'd you learn?" Eyes wide but always staring at me, even while he tucked into his food, "Can you teach me?"

"Um… I suppose so?" I replied, opening my own lunch and trying to ignore all the eyes in our direction. "Why do you want to learn Nagachika-san?"

"I want to travel to _looots_ of places!" He said, extending his arms out to further illustrate his point. "But lots of people don't know Japanese so I want to learn more languages."

"Ah, is that so." I say, stuffing my mouth full of my food. I grimace a little at the rice that got mixed in with it, but I dealt with it. _Hmmm, papa cooks the meat less than mama. Maybe he should cook more often?_

"Hey, what're you eating?" Nagachika-san asks, pointing to my simple lunch.

"Just some roast pork and beef with rice." _Roast something and rice to be exact._

"Can I have some?"

I think for a second.

"Sure."

 _What neither of us don't know can't hurt us_.

"Thanks!" Picking up a slice of meat and placing it in his own lunch box he lets it rest for a moment before he gathers it with some rice and quite literally stuffs it in his mouth.

I stare at him for a moment before I return to my own food. I'm impressed really, that was a quite the mouthful. And I think he just grossed some of the girls out too since I notice a few eyes turn away. He takes a moment to savour it before he starts to chew, contemplating on the taste. After a few decisive chews, he swallows.

"Hmm. Tastes different, but it's nice!" I smile up at him. Glad we could agree on something.

Just as I'm having another piece, he places some of his lunch in my box with a giddy smile on his face.

"We shared lunch! That makes us friends Akane-chan!" Chopsticks still in my mouth, I was flabbergasted. He went from 'Shimizu-chan', not even _san,_ and skipped to 'Akane-chan'?

"Are you sure?" I ask, not quite understanding. Is he really this type of person?

"Hmm, you're right, Aka-chan is cuter."

"I didn't say that!"

"You can call me… Hideyoshi-kun?"

"You can't decide things like that on your own Nagachika-san!" His face visibly sours. Mine drops. _He let me call him that earlier!_

"Nagachika-san is my dad. Just call me Hide!"

"H-Hideyoshi-san, I- well-" I struggle, not fully computing the situation. I thought everyone was picky about what they were called? Why is he so- so…?

"Hide!"

"But, Hideyoshi-san!"

"Ah, Hide-kun is okay too." He states, nodding his head like he just agreed to compromise on a deal.

I sigh. There's no winning.

"But- I didn't say I wanted to call you that Hide-san." I explain, fully dumbfounded but still trying his new nickname. I found it oddly comfortable. It was a lot easier to say than both Hideyoshi and Nagachika.

"Ah, you called me Hide! Glad we can be friends Aka-chan!"

I stared at him in disbelief, as did the others in the classroom.

"You're quite something Hide-san."

It was the start to a beautiful friendship, I think.

"My dad says that too!"

I laugh, genuinely enjoying myself for the first time in a long time.

-x-

Once the end of the day came, I almost didn't want to go. I managed to learn a lot about the new kid. Hide-san was a transfer student, came from the 6th ward? Wherever that is, for his dad's job. He loves his father dearly but never spoke about his mother and I didn't press further. He said he likes travelling, but I think it bothers him when they move around so much (this was his third transfer) that didn't need to be said though. Something tells me he doesn't like people knowing.

When we leave the classroom, Hide-san walks with me, very clearly ignoring the calls of the other children. Odd behaviour, but I can't help but feel a little special.

"You want to go to the park? I can ask my dad to take us!" Hide-san suggests, but I shake my head.

"I have to go home, sorry Hide-san."

"But we can ask your dad! He might be okay with it!"

Looking past the school gates, I wait for my father to appear in the distance. No such luck yet.

"Maybe next time, Hide-san."

"Aww, but Aka-chan!" He whines, and I almost indulge him. But mama and papa are at home, and I need to know if they're okay.

"Hideyoshi!" A tall man in a crisp suit with a face like Hide-san's calls, I can only assume it's his father. "Let's go!"

"One sec dad!" He turns to me and smiles. I've known him a few hours and I already know his smile usually means he's planning something. _Here we go._ He grabs my wrist, pulling me along. "Dad, look I made a friend!"

"Oh? Who's this?" He asks, looking disinterested if it weren't for the raise of a delicate eyebrow as he looks down on us. He's like an older, emotionally drained Hide-san. I'm not quite sure if I like him.

"This is Aka-chan, she sits next to me in class!"

"Is that right?" He looks to me. I nod and he turns his attention back to Hide-san.

"Uh huh! We had lunch together and everything!" His father's face twitches into a smile. _Yup, takes after his father._ If he were younger, I'm sure they could pass off as brothers with a large age gap, but the wrinkles that tug at his father's face say otherwise.

"Wonderful. Please take care of my son, _Aka-chan_ , he can be a handful." He states, looking at me with a silent threat in his eyes. _Yikes, I'm seven Sir._

"Yes, Nagachika-san." I say, bowing slightly. He seems satisfied as he holds his hand out to his son who eagerly accepts.

He looks like he wants to walk away, but he looks at the hand still attached to my wrist. I do too, and frankly, I'm shocked it's still there.

"Hide-san," I speak first, "You can let go."

He frowns and looks up at his father.

"Dad, can we go to the park please?"

His father's frown matches his.

"Now son, you know we're busy-"

"We have space in the car, please dad!"

With his other hand, he rubs away an impending headache at his temples. _Handful indeed_.

"Hide-san, I wouldn't want to impose-"

Hide-san looks like he's having none of it, defiantly gripping my wrist tighter.

"It's okay, right dad?"

His father looks exasperated. I would too, if I had a son who was like this with all his friends.

"Hide- _kun_ ," Hide-san's wide eyes snap to mine. _Guess he really did want me to call him that_. He stays silent enough for me to continue, "we can go another time, right? I still need to ask my papa too."

He pouts, and very slowly relinquishes his grip on my wrist.

"Tomorrow?"

I smile and nod. His father lets out a breath and gives me a brief nod before tugging his son along towards a sleek looking black car. Hide-san turns to wave at me and I wave back before he disappeared. I made a _friend_.

-x-

I wanted to tell mama and papa that I finally made a _friend_ , that we had _plans_. All in one day! But when another car rolled up in front of the school gates, I had to put that on hold.

Papa arrived not soon after Hide-san departed, but didn't arrive alone. In a car, not a taxi and nowhere near as sleek as Hide-san's, but much more foreboding. Why? Well, we don't have a car. This had alarm bells going off immediately. Our little apartment doesn't have spaces for a car and I'm 90% certain we don't have the funds for anything so fancy… or did we?

When the back door opened and he stepped out, I couldn't believe it and was almost excited but I knew better. Its windows were blacked out as if not even a string of light could make it through, that isn't your normal every day car. Papa didn't have a stable job, we could never afford something expensive. I crunched the numbers I found in a little book in his and mothers dresser once, and compared it to prices I saw in shop windows on the way home from school, we barely had enough disposable income to cover the books and toys they buy us every month.

"Aka-chan, come to papa." He said coming out of the car with his arms open. I said nothing, watching the shadows move in the car behind him. Or was it a person? I didn't move. He tried to make it look like everything was okay, but his quivering lip betrayed him. _Something is wrong_.

I don't want to go anywhere in that thing. It was like I could feel the bad vibes coming from that car.

He walked towards me, noticing my gaze and moved in front of my view. He reached behind and under my thighs, as he lifted me into his arms, holding me close. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck, taking in his warmth and unique smell. _Coffee and something subtly robust_.

"Everything is going to be fine, alright Akane?" He whispered into my ear, "I need you to be brave for me now, can you do that for me?"

 _Papa has never called me by my full name._ Alarm bell number two.

I nod, trying to turn my head to look at him, but when I hear his breathing turn heavy and start to hitch, I stop.

 _What's going on?_

He holds me tighter and I push and push at his chest. _I want to look at him_. Papa doesn't cry. I've never seen him cry, papa doesn't get scared. But if that's the case... then why is he shaking?

"Papa, I love you too! What's wrong? Where are we going?"

He said nothing as he carried me into the car with him. His grip never wavered, and I pushed harder and harder the closer we got to the car, but to no avail. He ducked down and got into the car, noticing that the shadow I saw earlier was Ri-chan, already sat in the other seat. _When did she get here?_

She was silent as papa sat down, clutching me in his lap and pulling a seatbelt over us with one of his arms. I tried to push free when he did this, but even with one arm his strength didn't change. He pulled the door close and the car starts, an unknown driver peddling us to some unknown destination. We drive off without a word. I cling tighter to my father, not quite ready for whatever is to come.

-x-

I didn't know how much time had passed but it wasn't long. I could feel the car stopping, I was barely able to see out of the window without forcing my father's head to move at an awkward angle so I stayed put. Rize hadn't said a word the entire journey, it was like she was glued to her seat; a blank look on her face as she stared straight ahead of her. I was worried. I became even more worried when the driver murmured something. I missed it completely but papa heard it, I noticed his breath hitch in my ear and I felt something wet hit one of my arms.

"I love you so much, okay sweetheart? You're my pride and joy and all papa wants is for you to be happy. I _swear_ you'll understand everything when you're older." He whispers to me so shakily while he stroked my hair slowly, as if trying to commit the feel to memory. "Be strong for your mama."

 _Papa?_

The door opened, and my mama stood in the light. She too was teary eyed as she reached out to pull me from my father's reach.

 _No, no, no, no. Something isn't right. Why aren't they coming?_

My hands clutch my papa's shirt as my mother tries to pull me from his grasp.

 _Are they really going to leave?_

Finally, able to look at my papa's face, I see tears streaming down in an endless flow. _This can't be happening._

"A-Akane-chan, we have to go home now." Mama pleads, her hands shaking with a weak grip on waist. "Papa and Ri-chan have to go away for a while-"

"No! I want papa to come!" I struggle, refusing to let go. I feel my own tears bubble up in my eyes as my small palms do their best to stay rooted.

"Aka-chan please, please…!" She begs tears freely flowing from her eyes too, "You have to let go of papa!"

"NO! Papa won't come back!" I scream, almost kicking my mother as I fought, "I don't want papa to go!"

I struggled and struggled, papa's shirt threatening to give way until he placed his hands over my own. I let go as he held them both in his hands, his overshadowing mine completely. He looked at me, tears no longer falling, but looking so empty. It's like he's accepted his fate. But he shouldn't. _He shouldn't. He_ _should_ _fight to stay with us, so why isn't he? We're family, aren't we?_

"I'll be home soon," _Lie._ "We'll be quick, Aka-chan." _Lie._

Papa never lied to me before this, and now he's lied twice. I _know_ he's lying. I can feel it. I don't believe him, and I don't think he believes himself either.

 _No, he said he'll come back,_ a more hopeful part of me suggested. _Believe in papa._

"L-love you papa." I forced, choking on my own tears. I hoped that that would be enough to make him stay.

But with a final sombre smile, his hands let go of mine.

* * *

Slow updates, got to love 'em.

Sending my love to my readers, those who have followed or favourited the story and especially to those who review. You keep this story alive.

I'm a bit rusty so any feedback is good feedback!

Written: 27/09/2017 Edited: TBE


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